Every time I lose something important to me, I think of a message I heard, probably at church camp or something like that.
The speaker said that God doesn’t want us to have things that are more important to us than him. He doesn’t want us to spend more time with something else than we do with him.
So, sometimes, he will start removing things from your life, in order to make your dependence on other things taper off, and your dependence on him to increase. And if the thing you’re spending too much time with is a person or animal, that may mean death for them.
See, I don’t know if this is true.
I think the person who gave this message was one of those people that everyone claims “always has a word from God”. So you would think they know what they’re talking about.
But it has really messed with my belief in God.
Because now, when I lose something or someone about whom I care deeply, I blame God. I think that he is jealous of whatever else I’m spending time with, so he killed it.
And I definitely don’t want to spend time with a douchebag god, so I determine that I am done with him. If he is spiteful enough to kill what I care for just so that I spend time with him, I have no interest in spending time with him.
It’s like killing your boyfriend’s puppy so that he’ll pay more attention to you. If you do something like that, you’ll lose the boyfriend, and probably most of your other friends too. And hopefully you’ll go to jail, because that’s wrong on a million levels.
So, I don’t know. Maybe God really is killing off the things I love. In which case, screw him, I want nothing to do with him.
Maybe he’s not doing anything, and it is just nature.
Maybe he doesn’t care. And how interested should I be in that case?
I’m just very confused about the whole thing.
I want to believe and I want to trust God, but if I believe some of the things that I have learned, mostly from youth group events, I don’t want anything to do with him.
It has been a bad week…Sorry about the rant.