A Blur of a Different Colour

The last 3 months have been a bit of a blur of sorrow, anger, and a deep depression. I’ve posted earlier about my cat who disappeared, and how tough it was, but didn’t want to over-do it.

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Plus, it got to the point where it was so upsetting to think about him that I didn’t want to mention him when I wrote, or spoke, or really did anything. I tried to focus on other parts of life. I had my little kittens, who are sweet and precious, and who I love, but who I sometimes had to forgive for not being Marius.

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Yes, I understand that I sound like a crazy cat lady. Depends on the day, but I’m actually relatively normal. But, when you spend a couple of months traveling around India with a cat, then bring him from India to the US, and he winds up disappearing without a trace, it’s hard to just brush that off.

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There were mornings that I couldn’t get out of bed because I was so depressed. I struggle with bipolar disorder anyway, and this set off the depression so badly.

I have finally reached the point where I don’t get mad at the other cats for not being Marius. I never was mean to them, but I would have days where I didn’t want to go outside with the cats because it made me sad.

Lately though, I’ve been much better about that. I go out for walks in the woods with eight or so cats following me. I see places where Marius climbed a tree, or did something cute, and I’m at the place where I can smile about it (albeit sadly), and then laugh about something silly that the kittens are doing, like climbing my legs.

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I’ve been doing better with the other cats, but I’ve still not been doing so well with the depression thing. Some mornings, I still wake up with the feeling that the last few months have not happened, and Marius will be there, and it all feels like a blur not because he’s been gone, but because it was all a bad dream.

And wouldn’t you know, after three months, Marius came home. I was out in the pasture, playing with the kittens. One of them had found a dried out road apple (piece of horse poop), and they were batting it around. I’d kick it back and forth to them, and watch them go running after it. Whoever didn’t get the road apple would attack the tail of the kitten who did.

Movement caught my attention, and there was a big white and orange cat standing there watching me. I called to him, and he meowed back to me. I scooped him up, and checked him all over, feeling for his microchip for solid confirmation that it was my cat.

The day had turned into a blur of a different kind. I called my folks, crying because I was so happy. And I halfway expected Marius to vanish from my arms the whole time. I just couldn’t believe he was back.

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Marius is sleeping on my chest now. It’s a little hard to type with him pinning my left arm down, but I don’t really mind it at all. He wakes up once in a while to pat my cheek with his paw, or purr for a little while, then falls asleep again, twitching his paws as he dreams.

He’s wearing a collar so that, hopefully, if he wanders again, he’ll be returned a lot faster. I’ve learned a lot these past three months, and I feel like I’ve grown a lot as well, but I do not want to repeat it again.

If you want to see more pictures of Marius or the other cats, check out my Instagram, or search for #mariusthetiger.

 

 

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