When Together Isn’t So Great

Ah…being together.




After being at a wedding a couple of weeks ago, I’ve heard a lot about togetherness. And almost every instance where people talk about togetherness, it is about how good togetherness is. How important togetherness is.


But what about when togetherness is smothering? What about when togetherness is not the most healthy thing for you? And no, this is not a comment on my sister’s marriage. I think togetherness is good for them.

I was re-potting some banana plants earlier today. I had them given to me, and haven’t done much with them. I realized that they seemed like they were getting a little too close together in their pots. I mean, seriously, the one pot had 2 plants in it when I got them. And now it has six.


Come to find, banana plants are like ginger when you get below the surface. Underground rhizomes that spread and produce new plants. These apparently enjoyed the IL weather this summer, and produced like little green rabbits.

But when I dumped the pot out, things didn’t look too good. The roots had become tangled about as they grew.


I had to really get my fingers in there and tease the roots apart, trying to not kill the plants as I separated them.

That’s how it is some times. The separation hurts so you hardly believe it. All you want is to be together with that person or that groups. Being separated feels like your roots are being torn apart.


But when the separation phase is over, you learn that it is far healthier for you to stand on your own. You can grow instead of being held back by those who tangle your roots.

It takes time. These plants will need some tlc until they are firmly rooted and able to manage on their own. But I am there to give them the attention that they need.


When you are removed from your “pot mates” who are holding you back, you may need help from those a little farther removed from your situation. They will help you learn to stand on your own feet. They will be together with you without trying to wrap you up in their lives to the point that it is detrimental to you.

Only you can determine what togetherness is good for you, and what holds you back from growth. What would you do if you had a flower pot all to yourself and there was no one else tangling their roots with yours?


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